BEOMGYU: PANIC
analysis, predictions and anticipating!
On Weverse, 250323, Beomgyu posted a handwritten letter:
"hi everyone, it’s beomgyu. every since i debuted, the days i’ve lived as txt’s beomgyu are far more than the days i’ve lived as choi beomgyu. I’ve decided to tell you the stories that i haven’t been able to tell you during this time.
More people than you’d expect spend their days feeling like they’ve lost their way, suffocating as if they’re walking through a long tunnel. there were days that brought this kind of darkness to me as well and i endured that period of time by listening to music that i liked. The way i gained a great amount of comfort through music, i believe that somebody else will also find solace in my voice and my stories. i sincerely wish that my song reaches the depths of your heart and becomes the strength for you to keep walking forward."
Not long after, his solo mixtape was announced.
What we know is that the genre is going to be rock. From an article translated by TXT translation on X:
“Beomgyu is known to the public as someone that’s bright and cheerful but beneath that, he is deeply emotional. that’s why fans describe him as someone that simultaneously exists at both 3pm and 3am. The newly released photos capture the ‘3am Beomgyu’. In the pictures, he’s either lying on his bed in solitude or sitting with a blanket draped around him. Beomgyu’s sorrow-filled enhances his signature wistful aura. In the pictures with a mirror as the backdrop, his bruised and wounded appearance draws attention. the composition of the images, making it seem as if he’s trapped inside the mirror, deepens curiosity about his story.”
Many moas have pointed out how the imagery of mirrors harkens back to the song “Maze In The Mirror”, a song Beomgyu composed. In a live, he mentioned how “‘maze in the mirror’" is a song [he] wrote during [his] trainee period when [he] had thoughts like ‘ah I don’t think this path is for me’, ‘I feel like i’ve gotten lost in the maze’, ‘I really can’t see the end to this maze’; these sentiments”.
I reach my hand out towards the light
In the mirror I push myself
In that figure that’s broken and divided
I can’t even find my real self
find me please, please
— Maze In The Mirror (2020)
A connection to Dreamer (2023) could also be drawn due to the maze metaphor:
i’ve been walking inside this maze all day
can’t expect any consolation
a pity, my footsteps
are faltering at a dead end
the significance of dandelions
From another article translated by TXT Translation on X (<3),
"the dandelion spores freely fluttering in the illustration evoke warm emotions. in the midst of beomgyu’s ‘panic’, filled with sincerity and comfort, raising anticipation, various promotions where you can feel his sentiments will follow.”
A simple google search would tell you that the life cycle of a dandelion symbolises transformation and letting Go. “It starts as a bright yellow flower, full of vitality and energy. But as it matures, it transforms into a delicate puffball, ready to release its seeds into the wind.” How beautifully phrased, and how apt for someone like Beomgyu — sentimental and sensitive.
categorising the concept photos
The illusion of solitude
I can’t be the only one who gets a sense of voyeurism from this photos. A bedroom is typically one’s private sanctuary, yet the way the pictures are taken are sort of inviting, as though Beomgyu knows he is being watched. I think the fact that he isn’t in comfortable clothing/sleepwear also contributes to that sense of voyeurism. This illusion of solitude ties in with what it is probably like to be an idol — to spend almost every single waking moment in front of cameras, under the watchful gaze of millions of people.
From another point of view, the fact that Beomgyu is still portraying an ‘idol-like’ image despite being in his own private sanctuary could be a metaphor for the attempt to counter creeping irrelevance. I think in particular for TXT’s case, the fear of falling off is so prominent because they debuted just before Covid-19 pandemic. Their need to remind people they exist sometimes comes at the cost of their health. This is going off a tangent, but I truly hope everyone knows how hardworking and talented they are, and that every break they got was a well-deserved and necessary one.
The person in the mirror
I think his song would reflect on who IS Beomgyu? Who does he see in the mirror?The TXT beomgyu who is continuously showered with love and adoration from millions of fans, who has to continuously put in the work so that he doesn’t fade into obscurity? Choi Beomgyu who is adored by his friends and family? There will probably be the theme of perceptions — as stated in his letter, he lived as TXT’s Beomgyu more than Choi beomgyu. It’s such a heartbreaking statement yet such a powerful one. It is a reminder that keeping his idol persona and the “real him” separate is necessary for his sanity, and more importantly, so that he does not lose himself. It’s self-preservation, if you will.
Expanding on the parallel to MITM, I think the lyrics, “In that figure that’s broken and divided/I can’t even find my real self/find me please, please” is extremely pertinent in this context. The “broken and divided [figure]” could be referring to his broken and bruised reflection in the mirror, after what I assume is a fight against himself. Oftentimes, rather than confronting the turbulence in his soul, he resists and avoids it, fighting against himself. To confront the soul is to face excruciating humiliation and shame for what he believes he lacks in. So much reconciliation with the multiple selves, knuckles black and blue :(( The belief that nothing useful would come out of his own soul torturously tormenting him. It is a perpetual cycle, and thus “no end in sight” in the proverbial maze.
He must have lost his sense of self many times. It’s quite difficult not to when you are constantly in the limelight. Sometimes, you want to curl up in your blanket, away from the cacophony and fame that comes with being an idol.
Returning
Seeing as the song would be a reflection of his story and voice, I think it is safe to assume that he is in a state where he has gained clarity through the storm. And finally, he is giving himself permission to exist in his own private reality; to just be.
concluding
I am just so excited to be able to witness yet another member getting a solo mixtape. Beomgyu is so dedicated to his craft that I just know he meant it when he said that he hopes his song would reach the depths of our hearts. To Beomgyu, who is so selfless and kind, I will love you forever. Moas are highly anticipating your solo comeback <3
references:
https://ibighit.com/txt/eng/discography/beomgyu/detail/beomgyus_mixtape_panic/
https://wisdomofthespirit.com/the-spiritual-meaning-of-dandelion/
@translatingTXT on X